My Story
I was convinced for decades that my weight was the root of all my problems. It wasn’t until my late 40’s that I realised any excess weight I was carrying was simply an outward sign of deeper issues. You can read more about me here but below outlines my history with food and alcohol addiction.
I’m a sugar addict. Even a tiny amount of sugar can send me tumbling into a cycle of binge-eating that can last days, weeks or even months. Seriously, months.
Strangely, I have more of a savoury tooth than a sweet tooth, if either is even a thing; I opt for savoury then sweet then savoury foods like I’m on a rollercoaster. Once I lose control I find it extremely difficult to stop binge eating. It’s a comfort, an emotional crutch that I’ve had since I was young and processed foods were seen as an exciting and rare treat.
I was slim, fit and active throughout my childhood, teens and early 20’s. Processed food was a rarity – we reared out own meat and grew our own vegetables and fruits, so convenience foods were seen as a treat.
My parents probably had one or two bottles of wine a year but made their own wine as I got older.
When my mum brought me Coke and crisps, I felt physical excitement and would wolf the lot down before I even thought about sharing.
When I went off to university after a few rebellious years, I hated every moment of lectures, got three jobs instead and had my own money to buy alcohol, burgers and anything else I wanted. I was extremely fit, cycling everywhere and going to aerobics classes at least once a day, so whatever I ate fell off me.
When I left university I fell in with a wealthy crowd, who kept me topped up in drinks. I began to put weight on gradually but didn’t really care – I was having the time of my life and was young enough to carry the weight well.
“I can’t have one biscuit – I can’t stop until they’re all gone. I can’t have a small bowl of pasta – I want half the packet. I can’t enjoy a small glass of wine – I want the whole bottle.”
Things started to get a bit more serious in my late 20’s. The lifestyle began to take its toll and I spiralled downhill frighteningly fast. Depression hit, alcoholism struck, binge eating attacked … and I stayed in a cycle of worsening self-abuse for a decade.